Comments on Drishtikon: How to Handle Moral Dilemmas?

Hmm...Getting bored@work so came in to your blog a...

2009-01-06T01:41:00.000-05:00

Hmm...Getting bored@work so came in to your blog and the read wasn't disappointing :-)
Considering age n virtues, most frenz come only for 2 kinds of advice:Girlfriend/Boyfriend issues and Career/Job. :-)
I usually try to understand their priorities first, and the root cause of the problem(s). Think about my prior experiences (fortunately or unfortunately, quite a bit in the former case) or imagine what I'd do in such a case, and also what should IDEALLY be done (this may/may nt differ).
Give them both, n see if either suits.
Every1 is "alag", but I dont get into tht as I feel if they're asking me, they should get MY opinion.
If its a close friend, I might shake him and be stern, if thats the need of the hour. If not, I jst give my opinion and move on.

Very tricky situation.... In my case, I try to put...

2009-01-01T19:17:00.000-05:00

Very tricky situation.... In my case, I try to put myself in the shoes of the person and give an honest opinion of all the options I would've considered and if I felt strongly about something, would've voiced it. I agree it's not the "way to go" since he/she may not even really be looking for advice and I shouldn't be trying to spoon-feed. Of course, besides giving my "advice" I also acknowledge the fact that just because "I" "think" I would have done something, doesn't mean it's right... and it's also a lot easier to give advice than actually do that very same thing when faced with the same situation... Plus as you correctly pointed out, every person is different and what may seem like a reasonable solution to an issue, may not necessarily resonate with the other person.

interesting read,
but comments reserved.

2008-12-19T14:34:00.000-05:00
interesting read,
but comments reserved.

life is a tumbler of problems for self and for others we are concerned about.

appreciate your thinking and thought mechanism.

For once I would say, in some ways i know why you ...

2008-12-15T23:28:00.000-05:00

For once I would say, in some ways i know why you get into the point of losing the person you are advising..having known you for a while now..you do put it upfront to them, but may be not in the right way? It is definitely not necessary to tell a honest truth or a true scenario point blank to a person, who is obviously not thinking straight or has a clouded judegment, because, deep within, they know the truth, they just need a different perspective of it, and when you do say the truth or fact as it is, they get ticked off, may be? Anyways apart from the fact that I would not ever make a decision for a friend, I would always tell them one thing, what ever I might say and how ever I might say it, when the time comes, its their decision and ones they have made it, what ever it might be, stick to it. Sometimes its moral dilemma and sometimes ethical. I have had friends confide in me candid realities of their lives, which if out might otherwise destroy their lives..and they have asked if they were right or not..I have never said on their face, "no you were wrong", but I have always told them, what they would do if it was done to them by someone else, and in many ways, just that perspective has worked. Making someone realize that they wouldnt like on themselves what they are thinking of doing to others or just in general, clears a lot of thought..because in the end, one is ones own first love and no one will want to hurt that.
And I know a lot of people dont like sugar coating..but sometimes just sugar coating the truth in a way tht it doesnt hurt the person seeking advice, works magic!! And as for loosing friends, when people dont hear what they want to, they would want to blame things on someone else in just take it that when things clear out for them, they would come back to you...
Good luck!

A very interesting and thought-provoking post. Whe...

2008-12-12T00:15:00.000-05:00

A very interesting and thought-provoking post. When I am in similar situations, my first couple of questions are always "what do you think you want to do or feel like doing or what do you think is right and wrong ." I tend to avoid giving my opinions or advices or what I might do because I like to hear out the person and see how their thought process is working. This way not only me but they also get to hear themselves out too and they are better able to decide for themselves. My responsibility as a friend is to guide them in the right direction and not to make their decisions or influence them with any of my biases or views because to each its own. Frankly, one more reason is to make the person to do all the talking is so that I don't feel guilt in the end that I might have influenced their views in one way or other. And, if the person still pester you for your opinions or views on what would you do and what u think is right, then I usually say.."I don't know dear..this is something you would have to figure out yourself because I am not in your position, so all I can do is to hear you out and help you in whatever way I can but I just can't decide for you." At first they won't like hearing this, but they will get used to. In fact they will appreciate it later :-)

@Anonymous and Sid: So, I think both of you fell i...

2008-12-11T13:15:00.000-05:00

@Anonymous and Sid: So, I think both of you fell in to the same trap - both of you ASSUMED that someone is asking YOU for YOUR opinion. It might not be the case. Let me explain. Sometimes, the problem you might face might be like -'I don't know what I should do'. Now, how you interpret that question will determine your response. Do you think the other person is asking for your direct advice on what to do? Or do you think he is trying to brainstorm? Or is he asking you what YOU would have done if stuck in a particular situation. So, overall your suggestions are great! But they are just ONE of the many options (tools) you need to exercise in a precarious situation.

My first act is to let the other person do all the talking - that gives me a good understanding of what exactly the other person is wanting. However, as I mentioned, sometimes you just have to be a doc and force the medicine in to the person's mouth. From my experience, I think in the long run its appreciated.

Again, that's the whole dilemma, right - to do the surgery on the patient or not and if yes, how best to go about it! Does the patient end up hating you if you manage to save his life? No. But don't assume everyone's a doctor :)

Very interesting read! I am surprised not many peo...

2008-12-10T23:43:00.000-05:00

Very interesting read! I am surprised not many people have commented.. and i wonder why..
this is what i almost always do.. i NEVER decide for the person.. nopes.. not happening.. i lay down every single option in front of them.. try and reason with them about each.. help them prioritize.. and once the matrix is ready, leave it with them and move.. of course the matrix has everything they need to make a decision.. except for a set order of priorities..
interesting dilemma.. i don't think i can tell that to a person the way u did.. chances r i wud be like 'it wud be a shame if u dont get wat u really can. getting into a top mba school is tough and if one loses focus, impossible. Never lose ur focus and never be complacent. You are not there until you r there.' you know wat i mean? This way he may get an idea of what u kind of wanted to say but without being mean (and yes, candid is synonymous to it often), u can still get the message across to a smart person (which we all our :).

I have been in similar situations and of late I ha...

2008-12-10T03:30:00.000-05:00

I have been in similar situations and of late I have come to the conclusion that when one asks for your opinion you say it as it is; but postpone it till the very last moment. The best thing is to put in facts from all angles and keep it in front of your friend, then ask questions and help him decide what he wants to do. One of the lines that can be used is "You know what you need to do but you actually don't want to do it."
And finally if you are left with no alternative then say what you have to say but prefix it with "I don't know what you will do but if I was in your place this is what I would have done ..... even if it seems difficult it is the best thing to do".