How NOT to get a Job

Disclaimer: The blog article is meant as a guideline for others to show the importance of professional communication. It is by no means meant to put down FCUK. This article was published earlier in January 08 but was taken down due to FCUK's requests - now that he has a stable job and moved on in life, both him and I feel its time to take the curtains off for folks applying for jobs this recruiting season.

Situation: A friend of mine (lets called him FCUK) from Carnegie Mellon interviewed with a consulting firm based in California. They liked him, offered him a job and a decent pay (upwards of 95k total package). He wanted to negotiate the salary so the director of the firm (lets say HER) setup a time when they could talk. Both of them agreed to talk last Wednesday at 7 PM EST.

Wednesday, 7:00 PM EST : The phone rings. FCUK is in class, completely unmindful of the vibrating Moto Razor in the depths of his backpack. FCUK misses the call. He gets out of class at 9:30 PM EST and realizes his folly.

"Eh, its 6:30 PM in California right now. I'll give her a ring tomorrow morning."

Thursday, 4:00 PM EST : FCUK calls HER. HER is pissed and FCUK tries to pacify the boss. HER tells FCUK that she has to reconsider the offer and that she would get back to FCUK by the next day.

Thought : The situation is bad but not completely irretrievable. A convincing conversation or a decent email can do the trick. FCUK tries to contact me at office with a draft of the email he plans on sending HER. I am busy and do not get a chance to listen to what FCUK has to say. FCUK send the email to HER at 5:30 PM EST. I open my mailbox one last time before going to bed at midnight and am startled by what I read -

"Dear SHE,

First of all, let me take the opportunity to thank you for granting me a chance to work for your prestigious company. And I assure you that you will always be very satisfied about this decision, once you see me prove my abilities and capabilities with actual hands-on-work in professional environment.

I deeply apologize for missing your call yesterday evening. It was entirely my mistake and i wish to take the full responsibility of the same. I kindly urge to you to give me a chance to explain the situation, as i see it from my end.

This is my final semester at Carnegie Mellon University and am required to take 5 courses in order to graduate. As you already know, academics is my highest priority and i never compromise on the quality of education and opportunities of learning. This is the first week of school, and thus, currently I am attending more courses (9 courses overall) than what is expected out of me. I intend to attend first introductory classes of all courses pertaining to my interest, before I make a conscious and well-educated decision of finalizing courses.

Last night I took an impulsive decision of attending a core computer science course: Game Theory (from 6:30 pm to 9:30 pm). It was a completely impulsive decision that did not consider my scheduled appointment with you. And I deeply regret that. The Professor of this class implements "no cellphone in class" policy, which didn't let me see your call to make matters worse for me. It was only when I stepped out of the class that I realized my blunder when I saw your missed call. But it was 6:30 pm at East Coast then and I decided not to give you a call after office-hours.

It was in the next morning that I hurried up to call you to apologize in person. And I can never apologize enough for this blunder.

Madam, I kindly ask for your forgiveness. My ability to pursue excellence with no compromises, combined with my impulsive nature has always been my core strength . And I ask you for a chance to prove this to you by actually working professionally for your company and excel at my job .I have no explanation for my behavior. But I assure you that this mistake will never be repeated in future.

With sincere apologies,
Yours truly,
FCUK"

I called FCUK that very second and told him the job is lost. I still had a hope that SHE might buy into his crap but eh, very little chance of that happening. IMPULSIVE NATURE? Did you mean INSTINCTIVE nature? Dude!!! You just shot yourself in the balls. FCUK you!! I believe that one needs to be precise and to the point which this email does not comply with. Besides, I thought that the tone of the mail was over defensive which gave the impression of repetition in the 6 paragraphs.

Tuesday of this week : SHE replied. As any good consulting firm should, her response was on predicted lines.

"FCUK,

Thank you for your interest in MYHOLE (name changed for privacy). However, given our recent concerns we have decided not to extend an offer to you. As I articulated on the phone, detail orientation and promptness are critical in this line of work. The numerous mix-ups you made recently with call times has caused too much concern for us to overlook and we fear that you may be lacking in these areas. I was also not pleased with the way you handled the most recent mix-up and our last conversation in general. You conveyed too much defensiveness and aggression around the timing mix-up and in your attempt to negotiate the terms of an offer. I would not have been happy to hear you speak in these tones to our customers if you were to work for MYHOLE, and this further reinforced our decision.

I wish you the best in your continued job search and I hope you take these lessons to heart. The signals you send - whether intentionally or not - during the interview process are important. Employers have few data points to go on, so we have no choice but to pay attention to those that we are given by candidates. Of course MYHOLE will reimburse you for the travel costs that you incurred while flying to visit us. If you will scan and email me the receipts for your travels and provide your mailing address, I will have our Finance department mail you a reimbursement check.

Regards,
SHE"

FCUK wanted to send another email to HER but I advised against it. Sometimes, the world is a small place and you should have a boat before burning a bridge.

Moral of the story - Double check and email before sending them. Take a professional writing course. And most of all, get your FUCKING name correct :-)